Charles Mingus - Moanin'

Charles Mingus - Moanin'

Learn how to wait

  So, I'm supposed to learn how to wait... I've figured out I just don't know how to wait for something to happen, I always run everything, I rushing things up, I demand for a definition before it's meant to be given, until it comes up much worse then it was supposed to do, just all wrong, you know? But I usually prefere a crappy ending rather then waiting too long for something that has a 50% probability to go right, after all, I was waiting for the worst, right? So since I'm prepared for that, there's nothing to lose rushing things up, I save myself from a long time (usualy a few days) of anxiety and expectations - I can't take that agony - so why not quit that crappy waiting room and get the bad news after all, huh?

  But now I'm curious to see how things might come out if I just wait them to happen on their own, maybe the chances of things coming out for the best are even bigger then these random 50%, if I could just give it a shot, right? Come on, help me out here, give destiny some credit.. no ok, I'll ask for a second opinion, I'm sure that's my therapist's best answer.

  Now seriously, it's time for me to finally grow up and learn how to wait, I'm not in a dentist waiting room, I'm not in the line for ice cream, and, sorry if you can't tell, but I'm not 5 anymore, right? I should have learned ways to wait patiently for something to happen by now.

  So, he will call... right?

Sutil perda

  Ok, call me crazy (what tha hack is this blog about, huh?), mas quase chorei hoje por ter perdido uma gerente... calma, ela não faleceu (please!), só mudou de área, mas ela foi muito importante na minha carreira, espero voltar a trabalhar com ela e manter contato. Ok isso soou bem coorporativo, tudo bem que é sobre um assunto coorporativo, mas mais que isso, foi uma mudança estrutural, ela sempre representou a Cia. inteira para mim, em tudo o que eu acredito aqui e eu gosto muito dela. Apesar de eu ser muito solícita a mudanças, essa será de difícil adaptação. Pelo menos para mim. Enfim, fiquei chateada, but life moves on e acho que ela está bem, pelo menos pareceu.

My mood today asks for...

Someone Like You - Adele

I heard that your settled down.
That you found a girl and your married now.
I heard that your dreams came true.
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you.
Old friend why are you so shy?
It ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light.

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited.
But I couldn't stay away I couldn't fight it.
I'd hoped you'd see my face,
And that you'd be reminded that for me it isn't over.

Nevermind I'll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too.
Don't forget me I beg
I remember you said:-
"Sometimes it lasts in love,
but sometimes it hurts instead"
Sometimes it lasts in love,
but sometimes it hurts instead yeah.

You'd know how the time flies.
Only yesterday was the time of our lives.
We were born and raised in a summery haze.
Bound by the surprise of our glory days.

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away I couldn't fight it.
I'd hoped you'd see my face & that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over yet.

Nevermind I'll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too.
Don't forget me I beg
I remember you said:-
"Sometimes it lasts in love,
but sometimes it hurts instead"

Nothing compares
no worries or cares.
Regret's and mistakes they're memories made.
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

Nevermind I'll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too.
Don't forget me I beg,
I remembered you said:-
"Sometimes it lasts in love,
but sometimes it hurts instead"

Nevermind I'll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too.
Don't forget me I beg,
I remembered you said:-
"Sometimes it lasts in love,
but sometimes it hurts instead"
Sometimes it lasts in love,
but sometimes it hurts instead

For the final curtain

Dave Matthews Band -- Gravedigger
Cyrus Jones 1810 to 1913
Made his great grandchildren believe
You could live to a 103
A hundred and three is forever when you’re just a little kid
So, Cyrus Jones lived forever

Gravedigger
When you dig my grave
Could you make it shallow
So that I can feel the rain
Gravedigger

Muriel Stonewall 1903 to 1954
She lost both of her babies in the second great war
Now, you should never have to watch your only children lowered in the ground
I mean you should never have to bury your own babies

Gravedigger
When you dig my grave
Could you make it shallow
So that I can feel the rain
Gravedigger

Ring around the rosey
Pocket full o'posey
Ashes to ashes
{Musical intro}
We all fall down

Gravedigger
When you dig my grave
Could you make it shallow
So that I can feel the rain
Oh Gravedigger

Little Mikey Carson '67 to '75
He rode his bike like the devil until the day he died
When he grows up he wants to be Mr. Vertigo on the flying trapeze
Oh, 1940 to 1992--

Gravedigger
When you dig my grave
could you make it shallow
So that I can feel the rain
Grave digger
When you dig my grave
Could you make it shallow
So that I can feel the rain
I can feel the rain
I can feel the rain
Gravedigger
When you dig my grave
Could you make it shallow
So that I can feel the rain
Gravedigger
Gravedigger

I get it

  Well, so it's ok to think about something you like all the time, right? I know I'm not capable to tell when to stop, but until it's not keeping me from working, studying, etc., it's ok, right?
  I think I get it now, just chill and go with the flow...  I'm not saying I'm gonna sit down and watch life goes by, not doing anything about it, I can't be that passive, I'm just saying, I finally get I don't have to "over feel" everything, I could just wait a bit and enjoy the ride, right?
  Let me get this straight: I was getting obsessed about that guy I met, just like I do about studies and work, but analyzing it (I'd rather say OVER analyzing) with my best friend, he figured it out (and had the decency of telling me his conclusion): I try to control everything all the time, even when I expect the guy to call me, come for me, etc. But it leads to - at least - 2 little issues:
1- I CAN'T make him call me and I can't decide for him what he wants with me, how he's gonna act and when, I just don't have that power;
2- It would be no fun at all if could!
  I know it sounds obvious, and it is, but it's not that easy to have that in mind while you're living, in practical terms, it's not that easy.

  SO now that's the plan (since I got a plan for every single step in life): I'll just feel each moment, the moment to wait for him to call, to visit my folks instead of going out with him, the moment to save money and don't go out AT ALL... (I hate reticence, I can't deal with "no closure") and the word now is (THE BIRD!!): wait. Wait, think, save money, be with your crazy parents, with your dog, then think about it again. Yeah, I can do that! =D

And then again...

Well, thanks for nothing, guys, remember my last post in which I've asked for changes? I even gave some directions on how to advise me. Well, about tip #2 - "DON'T tell me to hook up with someone, instead of wasting my creative sarcastic answers, be pro-active, INTRODUCE ME TO SOMEONE HOT, it would help if it's someone who already shows a shade of interest on me" - I didn't have to wait for you, my sweet and lazy friends, I've moved my itty bitty ass and found it myself! But just like everything else in my life, I HAVE TO EXPLAIN IT IN EVERY LITTLE PIECE OF DETAIL. Even those encouraging tips to myself!
  About three days right after that post, I've met a guy, great guy, I'll try to make it short: he fell for me, kinda chased me, I ignored him, then I decided to go after him, I fell for him, for a day or two we were both deeply in love for each other, he started to seem distant, I tried again, I chased him, he ignored me, until he broke up with me through Facebook chat. =D
  I've just ruined it due to my obsession, I know that, but I'm learning from my fails, bring it to therapy, blah, blah, now I'm finally back in track.
  I've being going out with a few guys, some disasters and some just weren't meant to be, but now... I was caught out of guard by I guy I thought would just turn out to be some fun, just a guy I met at night... I expected to have just a fuck buddy to rely on, actually. But right on the second date he seemed to want more and also seemed to be one of the best guys I've ever met, he's perfect! Now I'm falling for him but I don't know if it's because he's actually that cool or if it's just because he's giving me attention, you know? And then again.. IT WAS JUST THE SECOND FREAKING DATE FOR CHIRST SAKE!!! I'm getting obsessed again, not about him yet, but about the idea of it. I'm doomed. I might break up with him before it gets worse.
  No, I'm not learning shit from my fails.